In the business world, achieving success always comes down to the bottom line. What’s the profit margin and net gains? This is certainly as it should be if one seeks to have a have a successful business venture or corporation. In the same way this concept also transfers over to relationships. We may perform kind acts for others, donate our time, and sometimes perform tasks that we would really rather not do. This is all very admirable if we do so out of the goodness of our hearts and without expectations. but sometimes we have a motivation that goes beyond the altruistic. It’s also human nature to want to be on the receiving end, especially when we are feeling a little sorry for ourselves. We’re looking for the “feel good payoff.”
The problem is we don’t always get the pay off. We don’t get noticed, or our service isn’t applauded. Some of us who are addicted to drama seek out people that they can “fix”. The bigger the problem, the better! In this way there are indispensable! On the other end of the spectrum there are individuals that seek the pay off benefit from their own weakness. If they go off the rails, and seem needy enough, they’ll always be that someone to pull them through. They view their vulnerability as appealing and non-threatening. Can you see how these people seek each other out?
This type of enmeshment occurs in relationships and end up resulting in the stakes of the pay off getting higher, and they always have to up the ante. The APS Temperament Analysis is a great assessment for explaining these type of relationships that just keep cycling in the same way. While our temperaments won’t change, our ability to understand how our loved one operates does. Change can begin to take place, and patterns are broken.
Jan M. Drury, M.S., C.L.C. jan@lifecoachingpartners.com
Life Coaching Partners, LLC 